bump is a month :: a birth story

"bump" is a month old today! 

it's late and we've had a long day.  both boys are sleeping and i'm not too tired yet, so i thought i might share with you the birth story of little "bump".  as i've mentioned before, i love reading design mom's birth stories.  the willingness of so many women who open their hearts and share these beautiful stories are so inspiring to me.  it's really such an amazing idea.

so, back to "bump".  i was sick a lot during my pregnancy.  i went to multiple doctors and everyone kept blaming my asthma.  when i saw the asthma specialist, she put me on breathing treatments 4 times a day, an inhaler, and 3 different pills.  after doing research on each of these drugs i learned that when some of these medications were tested on animals, they caused cleft lips and other birth defects.  one study had found that the inhaler i was taking twice a day caused autism in some children of pregnant women who used the inhaler "regularly" throughout their second and third trimester.  i was terrified.  i wanted to quit taking everything so bad, but if i did, i couldn't breath.  i thought for sure i was going to have a baby with something wrong.  i had nightmares and stressed about it pretty much every hour of every day.

finally, after breaking down in one doctor's office, she put me on an antibiotic.  i was 100% better in 3 days.  i have no idea why no one would do this for me before, but once i was finally prescribed a simple antibiotic, i was able to quit all other medications.  i was still very nervous.  "the monster" is so perfect (he doesn't even have a birth mark), i figured i couldn't get that lucky again.  surely something would go wrong.

i was sitting at my sister's high school graduation ceremony when i felt my first contraction.  it was actually quite ironic because my family joked about the fear we had that i would go into labor and miss a pretty huge day in my sister's life.  i decided not to mention it to anyone, including "psuedo hubby".  i wanted to make sure they were real contractions before i got everyone excited. 

as we were walking to the car after the graduation, i felt another long and painful contraction... so intense that i had a little trouble keeping up the pace walking alongside "psuedo hubby".  i started watching the clock, and each contraction was about 20 minutes apart.  i went to bad that night hopeful that perhaps the next day i would be going into labor.  not so. 

for the next 6 days i had regular contractions.  some were painful, but most were just annoying.  i went to work each day to keep my mind off the situation and i went to bed each night completely exhausted and more and more miserable.  i was ready to have this baby.

on thursday night, i had a minor breakdown.  i had been perpetually cleaning because i needed the house to be absolutely perfectly clean.  i couldn't stop.  when everything was just right, i went to bed and picked a fight with "psuedo hubby".  i became dramatic and i cried a lot.  i should have known then...

on friday morning, i was having strong and regular contractions.  my excitement had replaced the exhaustion.  i knew the baby was coming soon.  i went to work to finish up some final tasks and then went to the dr's office.  she confirmed that i was in labor, but not quite intense enough to check in to the hospital yet.  so, i went home.  i laid down to rest and then everything stopped.  no more pain.  no more excitement.  for a week i had been going slow but steady and then... it all just stopped.  the disappointment i felt was tremendous.

"psuedo hubby" got called into work around 4pm that afternoon.  he asked me if he should go and i remember saying why not? nothing going on here.  by 9pm that night we were at the hospital.  my contractions came back strong and i thought for sure the time had come.  i was wrong again.  they sent me home.  i felt so stupid and embarrassed.  i was frustrated, angry and i had lost hope.  this baby was never coming.  i was going to be pregnant for the rest of my life.

"bump" was born at 2:17pm the next day.  once he decided to come, he came quick.  i was in unbearable pain for about 45 minutes.  that's it.  a week of anticipation for such a quick delivery.

right after he was born, i couldn't get a good look at him and i instead looked up at "pseudo hubby's" face.  i was going to make sure he was ok.  i was going to make sure he wasn't deformed or disabled like my many nightmares had terrified me of.  but i didn't ask.  i didn't ask because i could see the answer in his father's face.  "bump" was perfect.