but i can't. i am mourning the loss of a special family member and here is my letter to her...
you were older when "bump" was born and your hip was really starting to hurt. he would clumsily fall onto you and you would growl or pretend to nip him. i was always impressed with your self-constraint as you never hurt him, although i'm sure he drove you crazy.
i'm sorry that as the boys got older our time together became less often. i'm sorry that i yelled at you in the middle of the night for breaking things, when really it was an earthquake and i was too sleepy to know. i'm sorry that when i yelled at the boys it would scare you and you would hide in our bed. i'm sorry that i didn't let you in last monday when you were barking at the door. i'm sorry i wasn't there with you when you died. i'm sorry that you passed in such an ugly way. i'm so so so sorry sweet girl.
our house is empty now. i don't hear the jingle of your dog tags when you move around the house. your food and water bowl are gone. there is an empty place in front of the fireplace where your bed was. i breakdown after almost every dinner as i am on my hands and knees cleaning up the food the falls from the table. you took care of that. each morning before i leave, i find myself wondering into the living room to kiss you goodbye and then i remember you aren't there. after 13 years of wonderful memories, for some reason the only thing that i can picture is you lying on the side of the road, tore open and the look on carl's face when he came to get me. i'm so thankful that your little head wasn't hurt so that i could kiss you goodbye. i kissed you in my favorite spot... right between your eye and little ear. your fur was turning white from age there.
we wrapped you in your favorite blanket and i carried you up to the house. we buried you in the front yard where you would lie waiting for us to come home each night. friends and family that love you have brought flowers and made it a special place. but it doesn't bring you back. and i'm not sure when my crying will stop.
you were my first child sweet girl. you taught me to love unconditionally, to care & nurture. you changed my heart forever daisy dog and i will love you always.