Friday, September 6, 2013

a dog's life: a letter to my sweet daisy :: personal story

i think some would agree that pets are our family. my daisy dog certainly was. grieving the loss of a pet is an odd feeling, because unlike children, you know going into it that your sweet pet will most likely go before you. you are setting yourself up for pain... but it's worth it. and then when they do go, you try to tell yourself that many have been through this before and to toughen up. to stop crying...

but i can't. i am mourning the loss of a special family member and here is my letter to her...


my dear sweet daisy dog... where do i begin?  you were my first "child".  i spoiled you and i was young and you were cute, so there was hardly any discipline.  i took you everywhere. you barked loudly and often. you climbed on the couches and beds like they were your very own.  in fact, you insisted on actually being under the covers.  when we lived in chicago, there was a good couple months when i didn't know anyone and it was simply just the two of us.  we would walk the sidewalks of the city neighborhoods and i would take you to the dog parks.  you pulled me along and that drove me crazy.  i was in grad school and working full-time... so busy that i was hardly home.  you were nervous and anxious and i'm sorry i made you that way.  you hated apartment life.  i'm so sorry. when i was pregnant with "the monster" you snuggled my belly and your warmth made it feel better.  you sniffed him endlessly to inspect him after he was born. then you bravely protected him from any guest that came over. i'm glad that you were his first dog and that he will always remember you.

you were older when "bump" was born and your hip was really starting to hurt.  he would clumsily fall onto you and you would growl or pretend to nip him.  i was always impressed with your self-constraint as you never hurt him, although i'm sure he drove you crazy.

i'm sorry that as the boys got older our time together became less often.  i'm sorry that i yelled at you in the middle of the night for breaking things, when really it was an earthquake and i was too sleepy to know.  i'm sorry that when i yelled at the boys it would scare you and you would hide in our bed.  i'm sorry that i didn't let you in last monday when you were barking at the door. i'm sorry i wasn't there with you when you died. i'm sorry that you passed in such an ugly way. i'm so so so sorry sweet girl.

our house is empty now. i don't hear the jingle of your dog tags when you move around the house. your food and water bowl are gone. there is an empty place in front of the fireplace where your bed was. i breakdown after almost every dinner as i am on my hands and knees cleaning up the food the falls from the table. you took care of that. each morning before i leave, i find myself wondering into the living room to kiss you goodbye and then i remember you aren't there. after 13 years of wonderful memories, for some reason the only thing that i can picture is you lying on the side of the road, tore open and the look on carl's face when he came to get me. i'm so thankful that your little head wasn't hurt so that i could kiss you goodbye. i kissed you in my favorite spot... right between your eye and little ear. your fur was turning white from age there.

we wrapped you in your favorite blanket and i carried you up to the house. we buried you in the front yard where you would lie waiting for us to come home each night. friends and family that love you have brought flowers and made it a special place. but it doesn't bring you back. and i'm not sure when my crying will stop.

you were my first child sweet girl. you taught me to love unconditionally, to care & nurture. you changed my heart forever daisy dog and i will love you always.


  1. I'm really sorry for your loss.

    I know that you didn't write and post this for anyone else, but thank you for sharing a beautiful and raw emotional post. I hope that putting those words on paper have provided some kind of outlet for your grief.