boyish good looks :: personal story

the other day, "the monster" was looking at a kindergarten picture of my husband. "do you think i look like daddy?" he asked. "well, actually sweetie, you look a lot like me" i replied.

"what?! you mean, i look like a girl?" he was appalled.

after calming him down with age-appropriate reasoning, i began recalling having the very same emotions as a child. besides for the color of my eyes, i favor my father. or at least i did when i was a child. i have his large nose (which was unproportionally giant as i faced my teen years). i have his long face. i have his darkness under the eyes. the good thing is, i have his childish sense of humor and vibrant personality, so that makes up for it. {wink, wink}

now, as an adult, i see more of my mother. i'm aging like her. my eyelid skin is beginning to fall onto my eyes. i have her laugh lines. i have the faint beginnings of a vertical line between my eyebrows. what i didn't inherit are her high, strong cheek bones that make any women look young at any age. o well...

so, here i am. with no makeup. i think i look like a boy. i don't like it, but i don't hate it either. it's just me... the "me" that my parents made from scratch. the "me" that has learned, as i've matured, to love the inside more than the outside.

so. now, i've done it. i've braved your judgement and posted a picture online of myself in my most boyish and rawest state. i feel courageous and so, that part makes me feel beautiful. do you go out without makeup? it's pretty liberating. it feels like i'm saying to the world... "f-you, i'm pretty on the inside!" and that feels good!!!

anyway, i'm still gonna wear makeup most days. let's not get crazy here. hell, i can't even avoid the packaging of the makeup in the store. it's pretty and it promises to make me pretty. what's not to like? but, you know, if you need an extra self-esteem boost someday... you might just try it. just shower and walk out of the house. no fuss. it will feel good i promise.